Last week I drove with the family up to Duluth, MN for Grandma's Marathon. I signed up in October to focus my energy and training. It's been ages since I was last doing any sort of distance running. As the years tick by, I'm realizing that the feeling of freedom and lightness I get from running long distances was missing in my life. So I started again.

This won't be a race report or anything (I finished!) but instead will capture a few things I've learned and been reminded of in prep for and racing the event.

Private Ambition

People love to shout their goals and aspirations from the rooftops. I don't. While there might seem to be marginal benefit to be gained by sharing your goals, I'm convinced that there is far more to be gained by keeping goals - if you have any - private. Exceptions include life partners, kids, coaches and perhaps a few supportive friends. Business goals are also different, as they can be essential to align teamwork. When it comes to personal ambition, keeping them private eliminates the risk of pursuing goals for external validation and instead doing the things you really are inspired to do for the right reasons.

Few people knew I was running the marathon until a week before the event, where I only shared as needed to keep things from getting weird later. I never want people to feel like I'm hiding anything.

Joyfully Doing Hard Things

While it's possible to fall into the trap of making easy things hard for no good reason (on the flip side, most hard things can feel easier with the right state of mind!), it's also possible to go even further to feel incredible amounts of joy in the process of doing hard things.

Tussling with life evokes much more of the human spirit than first meets the eye, and this feels good. Grandma's had a record turnout of runners (many marathons and ultramarathons are experiencing record participation lately). This speaks to something inherently inspiring and uplifting about living and exerting oneself fully. You can embrace hard things, and not be ground down by suffering but uplifted by feeling fully alive in throwing oneself into an endeavor.

It's possible to completely reimagine what hard is and see that everything has aspects of hard and easy embedded within. Being able to notice both dimensions is a real unlock for performance.

Riding the "Winds"

Given some recent illnesses I've been battling, and the limited training I was able to do in the past few months, I knew that this marathon would be tough. There were several points, particularly at mile 16 and again at mile 21, where my body was in a terrible amount of pain.

Pain, however, is transient. As I kept moving along, the pain would retreat and I would hit a "second wind" and eventually a "third wind." There was not enough time for a "fourth wind" since I finished as my "third wind" was winding down!

It's nice to remember that our experience of life, no matter how dire, is transient. If you can persist through the low points there can be subsequent highs (and lows). Learning to surf these waves of feeling - as a meditation - is a powerful way to get through difficult things without giving up prematurely.

Presence Power

I sometimes listen to a podcast while running, or watch a movie (while running indoors). However, for my longest runs I prefer to run free, without distraction. During the marathon, I did the same. I'd say over half of the other runners also just enjoyed the process without earbuds. There was a natural source of energy to be found in the environment. Some of it was obvious (lots of cheering fans and other runners) but also in the just noticing of the trees, sky and road.

I'm convinced that there is a connection between being more present and the mind's capacity to transition through tough moments and find balance while inspiring the body to muster more effort. It's as if being present allows a more full concentration of energy to the task at hand, like closing background apps on your laptop can free up RAM to be used for more pressing tasks.

I think there is research around how music (and being distracted in other ways) helps people workout longer, but my personal experience is that this is a temporary benefit at best. When you are out for more than an hour or so, it's better to ditch the earbuds and apply your full force of attention to the task at hand!

Framing

On the walk back to my hotel immediately after the race (3+ miles!) I wondered, if the event was 50K or 50 miles, would I have finished, and if so, how hard would it have been? Having done many ultras in the past, the voice in my head immediately responded "Yes, I would have finished!" However, it made me recognize that had it really been a 50-miler, the suffering I experienced at miles 16 and 21 would have felt different. Less dire and more manageable. Perhaps the level of mental and physical suffering I had at mile 21 would not have occurred until mile 30 or later?

Who knows. This is all conjecture, but it speaks to a feeling that the limits we experience might have more to do with how we frame our ambitions and measure progress relative to our desired outcome than they do with what is really happening. When it comes to running, I notice that a 5-mile run feels different when that's the total length of my run versus when it's the first 5 miles of a 10-mile run. The latter feels significantly and strangely easier!

What's Next

So, as I think about what's next running-wise, I'm going to follow my first insight from this blog, and not tell anyone! I'll keep doing things, and aspire to find the joy in the hard stuff when life calls for it.