I love running experiments.

Experiments with food, business, life, you name it!

In my ​coaching practice​, I find that experiments are a wonderful way to help my clients open their minds to new ways of being and working. An experiment, unlike a commitment, has a lighthearted and fun feel to it. To my mind, an experiment conjures up an image of a zany scientist mixing materials to see which combo will make the biggest impact! It's fun and wild and full of learning. 

I'm in the midst of a happiness experiment. It's about experiencing what happens when I explore the idea that happiness is innate and that it has more to do with my relationship with my mind than anything else. 

What Creates Happiness?

The world appears to operate as if people's well-being and happiness have everything to do with the things they have and the environment they are in. Monetary success due to a thriving business and career promotions appears to increase happiness. Beyond the professional, hitting one's goals and being surrounded by loving and inspiring people and environments seem to do the same. 

This is a message that is reinforced regularly through marketing, books, and the way people talk and think about their goals and ambitions. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes it appears that way to me too! However, it's also been obvious to me, particularly in the past decade of life, that happiness is an independent variable. It is wholly uncoupled by goal achievement, environment, bank balance, or relationships!

The more I travel and connect with people who live and work in different ways, the more I see this. People can be happy in a wide array of circumstances. In fact, people are happy in a wide array of circumstances! Likewise, they can also be sadly unhappy in the wake of achieving bucket-list-type life goals (I've witnessed this many times in my friend and client networks). 

So if our circumstances aren't creating happiness, what is? 

The Source of Happiness

One of the first personal development books I ever read was Viktor Frankl's 'Man's Search for Meaning'. The book's central thesis is related to the topic of this newsletter: That one's well-being is not at the mercy of one's environment, and instead it has everything to do with one's state of mind. 

Frankl's insight, that even when one's freedom is taken away in the most horrific of circumstances, one could have a high degree of well-being, points to an ancient principle: that life is lived "inside-out", and that we have more freedom and happiness at our fingertips than we think, regardless what life throws at us. 

It reminds me of the story about a ​conversation the Dalai Llama had with a young waitress ​who shyly asked him a simple, yet profound question about the meaning of life, prompting a deeply insightful response. Beneath all of one's ambitions, the Dalai Llama implies, that the meaning of life for people is to be happy, but what creates happiness - and where it comes from - is the true mystery!

I decided to play with the idea that it's all an inside job and see what happens....

My Happiness Experiment

So, for the past 10 days, I've run an experiment, a happiness experiment. I've made a low-pressure commitment to allow myself to be happy no matter what.

While I consider myself a naturally happy and optimistic person, there are moments when I show up in a less than joyful way on the inside. Be it the challenges of being a solopreneur, taking care of little kids, or just dealing with the puzzles that life throws at me, there are times when I can honestly say I don't feel super happy.

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling unhappy (and it's a certainty at times!), I am also well aware of the downsides of living in a bad feeling for too long. It affects my sleep, decision-making, motivation, creativity, sense of connection to the world around me, and more. 

So the experiment is to simply interpret everything that happens through the state of mind of not pushing the events of the world away, and instead welcoming them in. Everything that happens is to be seen as occurring for my benefit and therefore, worth being happy about (or at minimum, not bothered by it)! 

What Happened?

The impact over the past 10 days has been striking and very positive. 

Immediately, I began to notice just how actively my mind would jump to judge situations as good or bad, and react to the bad ones in ways that would take me out of a nice feeling. I noticed that my actions born from such reactivity were rarely helpful, and often created additional unhelpful reactivity from those around me. 

Over time, with a resolve to simply see my world as showing up in a manner that is fundamentally good and helpful to my growth as a human being, my reactivity to the world has slowed down, and helpful responsiveness (and productive actions and a few new healthy habits) have emerged. 

Perhaps most importantly, I've felt happier and more peaceful in the past week than I have a long while, and I consider myself a pretty happy and peaceful person to begin with! 

I've also been fully engaged in my life - and have had several life and work challenges present themselves that I'm in the middle of working through - so it's clear that there is something helpful to this experiment....and I'll be continuing it for the at least the next few weeks to see where it leads. 

I invite you to join me...

Go Deeper

If you would like to join me in exploring this for yourself, the experiment is simple:

For the next week, experiment with allowing yourself to be happy no matter what. 

The point is not to agree with everything that happens to you. The point is to inspire an attitude that promotes deeper and healthier ways of being, along with wiser actions in response to the events of the world around you. 

This is easier said than done. Life can be tricky! The three tips below have been helpful to me, so I'm offering them to you. I find that they calm down the easily triggered reactive mind, and allow a more settled and clear mind to surface. 

Tip #1: See everything that happens in life as fuel for your personal growth, and therefore intrinsically positive. 

Tip #2: Expect to feel triggered, unhappy, and a wide array of other emotions!). It is guaranteed to happen. This isn't bad, it's good! It shows that you are aware of and feeling what is going on in your mind. Just resolve to catch yourself when you are in a low mood and allow your mind to settle back to a more calm and joyful state on its own accord, particularly before reacting to others.

Tip #3: As you run the experiment, be curious about how it's helpful, if at all. The more benefits you see, the more it will logically make sense to continue the experiment and the less willpower it will take to do so. 

As you experiment, I would love to know what you are learning. Please hit reply and let me know your thoughts!