It’s been a minute!

I’ve been well and I hope you have too. We’ve been doing our best to enjoy the Minnesota summer. Lots of time at local lakes and trips to parks. My 1-year-old just learned to walk yesterday and my 5-year-old got his cast off (broken arm) and is back to crushing the monkey bars. So yeah, lots of progress all around!

The inspiration to write publically again has also returned (along with a bit of time to do so), so I do expect to be more regular blogs in the coming weeks. Stay tuned!

Today’s blog was inspired by a recent client conversation. It has to do with goals and ambitions, and how to know if they are worth pursuing. Before getting to an answer, it can help to look at the nature of goals, and why they are often not satisfying (or worse, a colossal waste of time and energy).

Where do your ambitions come from?

While working with my client last week, and exploring his career goals, it occurred to him that his aspirations were not inspiring because they did not seem to come from him, but instead were impressed upon him by his friends, family, past work history and the context in which he was living. This insight moved his mind in a more productive direction, in search of what he really wanted for himself and not what others wanted from him. 

As we concluded the session, he felt much more free and exploratory in his thinking about what was possible for his next career move. After a moment of silence, he mentioned that our conversation reminded him of a PlayStation game, originally released in the early 2000s called ​Katamari Damacy​. In this game, you roll around a Katamari, a very sticky ball (“very sticky” is a big understatement here!), collecting whatever it encounters.

Initially, the Katamari picks up small items like stamps and paper clips. But as it grows, it starts to capture larger objects, including animals, plants, and even people. Eventually, the ball becomes so massive that it can absorb entire buildings, mountains and even worlds!

Just like Velcro ™️

A Katamari is a powerful metaphor for how people—and teams and companies—often get attached to goals and ambitions that don’t truly serve them (or anyone!). While we like to believe our goals are inspired and reflective of our deepest capabilities and interests, my decade of coaching (and before that well over a decade of creating long-term strategies and product visions at Microsoft) has shown that many goals are simply byproducts of our habitual/noisy thinking and non-stop contact with the thoughts of other people.

Our minds roam about the world and all kinds of ideas get attached. Next thing we know, we get the feeling that we aren’t even living our own lives or pursuing our most inspired visions!

Just like Velcro™️, we attach ourselves to so much debris, we lose touch with ourselves.

That’s why, when I work with new clients, we begin with a period of “Immersion” where over a day or two, we dive deep into understanding how the mind can stay clear and grounded amidst a busy work-life and then explore what they really want to do. It’s about tuning out the external noise and tuning into the inner signal. 

It’s no longer surprising when clients start their coaching journey laser-focused on a particular goal, only to change their minds after a few hours—or days—of reflection. Sometimes the need for goals drops away completely. In other cases, an inspired vision or orientation emerges. Either way, the choices made and steps taken tend to be far more fruitful than simply following the goals of others that are masquerading as your own.

So, what do you really want?

Like a Katamari, we roll through life sticking to all sorts of ideas and concepts about who we are and what’s possible, becoming determined to achieve things that may not genuinely resonate with us or our teams. It’s easy to look at everything we’ve accumulated in our minds and think it’s what we truly want.

The antidote to the “Katamari effect” is understanding that the human mind has an incredible capacity for clarity and original thought if we give it a chance. By tuning out the noise of our environments and tuning into our innate desires and aspirations, we can get back in touch with activities that inspire us from within, rather than chasing aims imposed by the media we consume, habitual thoughts and the people and environments we spend the most time with.

So, how can we untangle this mess?

To start, take a moment to look at what’s stuck to your Katamari: 

Is it really what you want, or is it just debris picked up along the way? 

By looking past all the debris on the surface and focusing on what truly matters on the inside, you can get a better sense of what will be a more fulfilling and authentic path forward. At a minimum, a reasonable next step will become clear. Turns out that is all that is ever needed.