By now, you’ve given up on your resolutions.

At least, if my personal experience and past decade as a Coach is any indicator, that is exactly what’s happening. Social science researchers have even coined a term for it, “Quitters Day,” falling on January 19th. This is supposed to be the tipping point when people give up on their dreams for the year. In my experience, they give up because they were not their dreams at all. 

There are a few problems with resolutions, and I’ve covered many of the issues in my writing over the years. I’ll recap some of the major points I’ve made before —ranging from peer pressure, mental fixation, and fears about uncertainty—and offer a quick tip on what to do about them instead.

After all, you have things to do, and if you’re reading this, you are either a growth-oriented and ambitious person (or wish to be one!). You want to make the year great. What can be done if resolutions are doomed to fail? Don’t worry, go ahead and quit yours. I’ll offer a far more effective alternative.

But first, three issues I have with resolutions… in no particular order:

Issue 1: The Impact of Peer Pressure

I’ve railed ​against goals​ for years. There is a simple reason why, as a coach for the past decade (and before that, a leader at Microsoft for almost 14 years), I’ve seem first-hand just how tragic goals can be when they are set without the right perspective. 

You see, people like to think they are setting goals they want and value. They think that their goals are genuine and “true”. The reality is that most goals are not anchored to one’s deepest desires but are instead the product of one’s peers, environment and mental insecurities. It’s as if humans operate like a ball of inverted tape rolling about the planet (​a Katamari of sorts​), eventually losing the heart of themselves, awash in a sea of dreams and goals thrust upon them by friends, co-workers, and media.

Just think about the last time you set a resolution or goal. Where did it come from? Did it arise from the deepest well of desire in your innermost heart, or did it come as an external source—perhaps inspired by a friend, movie, or Instagram post? Even more insidious, did it come from your ​insecure thinking ​(noise) as opposed to the well of wisdom (signal) residing beyond it?

While there is nothing inherently wrong with motivation spurred by external forces, a resolution (or a goal of any kind) is doomed to fail without absolute clarity on what you truly want for yourself.

Issue 2: Fixation on Outcomes

Focusing too greatly on the results of actions is self-defeating. When you tie success solely to the outcome—like losing 50 pounds or earning a promotion—you place immense pressure on yourself. Worse, this mindset often leads to burnout or giving up entirely when immediate results aren’t visible.

Plenty of research suggests that people who focus on the process rather than the outcomes are more likely to achieve their goals. Shifting your mindset to embrace the journey rather than obsessing over the destination allows you to remain engaged and adaptable, regardless of setbacks.

The same principle holds for business goals. I see this trap with teams and growth-driven companies all the time. Fixation on KPIs and ARR leads to poorly timed and myopic decisions, not to mention burnout and an overly anxious staff (which is terrible for productivity and creativity). 

This issue leads me directly to a related and even bigger issue, that of operating from a false understanding of how life operates at a fundamental level.

Issue 3: Misunderstanding The “Physics” of Life

Life is far grander and more complex than the human mind can possibly understand. ​Just look at this!​ Resolutions mask one’s fear of uncertainty. By setting rigid goals and clinging to a predefined plan, we attempt to control the uncontrollable. But the future is unknowable, and clinging to a fixed outcome often leads to frustration when reality doesn’t align with expectations.

“You have the right to work, but never to the fruit of work.” – Bhagavad Gita

Ancient wisdom frequently reminds us to focus on our efforts without attachment to the results, even if the result is a “life or death” matter. Surrender is not seen as giving up, but a powerful act (perhaps the most powerful act we can ever perform).

Operating in alignment with the uncertain nature of life not only reduces anxiety but also opens us to possibilities we might not have considered, a literal gateway to creativity and exceedingly high levels of human performance. When we release the need for certainty, we become more flexible, resilient and wise. Decision making – moment by moment – becomes shockingly clear with such a state-of-mind.

If Not Resolutions, Then What?

Instead of choosing a resolution based on peer pressure and insecurity, start by acknowledging and feeling the vast intelligence behind life, which is flowing through you. It’s beating your heart, regenerating your cells, allowing you to read this article and create thoughts out of thin air. You (and your families and teams) are not meek and small creatures cowering in the face of an infinite universe. You are part of it and have the potential for fresh (and groundbreaking) thoughts and insights that can and do move the world forward. 

Grounded in this inner feeling of comfort (which isn’t delusion, it’s true), spend time in quiet contemplation about what you actually desire. Consider journaling or meditating to uncover what resonates most deeply with you. Take your time with it. ​Working with the right coach can help​.

When you are in the grip of something that feels like a calling—a deep wish, a vision that aligns with your authentic self—you will find that motivation emerges naturally. The right actions will come to mind and begin to happen without force. Effortless effort (the hallmark of “flow” states of mind) is one way to describe it. It’s a signal that you are on your way.